Managing the Anxiety

Thank goodness with coaching, my anxiety attacks have subsided gradually. I developed them when The Nightmare started in November and December. Having many things facing me, I was affected physically. I felt as if all the air was being sucked out of me. I seemed to physically reel with dizziness. I was alone with nothing to grab in order to get steady. I was hurt. I was disappointed. I was embarrassed. Per my friends, I was told to "be strong" and realize that Steve was not a nice man. In reality, Steve was a very loving human being. However, his Stratsteve altar ego fostered The Nightmare. I was told by others to "Move on" and to "Snap out of it". What many do not realize is, I am the only one that has to deal with my feelings. For God sakes, why the hell do people think that we Black women have to always be strong. We have to settle for whatever Life gives us. I do not need people to dictate how I feel. I need someone to just put their arms around me. Yes, I am focused for the future: but for now, I have to maneuver in the present. I am ready to take back my future. Some things are materializing for me.

April 2008